I'll always Love Big Poppa

Canibus said it best when he said the greatest rapper of all time died on March 9th. In case you aren't aware, this is day Biggie Smalls passed on. Although I never met him, I felt we had some sort of connection. He was a rap star and he became so much more to me. Big was the older brother I went back and forth about actually wanting. He was cool and intelligent. Plus, he was a larger sized guy. He was everything I could relate to. So I always felt we were close, even if it was only in my head. But before I go off on a tangent about what he meant to me, let me explain how I found him.

As a child, I wasn't allowed to listen to rap music. My mom thought it had too much cursing and talked about sex. You know, all the gripes that every parent has had about it. My older cousin never followed anybody's rules, though. He would sneak me his walk man and there would be rap tapes. being so young, I really didn't understand what I was listening to. I was six or seven then. Years go by and I'm a high school junior. Getting dropped off at home by a friend and listening to a cd. I didn't know what rapper it was, but I, naturally, knew the lyrics. "My mother got cancer in her breasts. Don't ask me why I'm motherfuckin stressed. Things done changed." He looked at me like I was crazy. He asked how did I know that part was coming because he had only known me to listen to R&B. I told him I didn't know. He said I should go buy the Ready To Die cd "so you can discover yourself."

The next day I bought it and realized this is what my cousin had snuck me in that walk man years earlier. And I did discover myself. I became a confident hefty guy. My dark skin was no longer something that made me uncomfortable. All of this happened because Biggie said that he was black and ugly as ever, however, he stayed Coogi'd down to the socks. That made me laugh and amidst that laughter I realized I could get girls through humor and charm. It worked too. My gut no longer mattered. I was just being myself and that attracted more women than anything.

Big let me know how to make being a big guy sexy and he, also, schooled me to the game. I always knew I wasn't the type of dude to do anything illegal for money. It just isn't in me. That notion was cemented once I heard 'Warning'. The song felt paranoid and I knew I couldn't live like that. See, its cool if you learn from your own mistakes, but its better if you can learn from someone else's. And that's what I did, learned from Big's mistakes.

From the Quad Studio situation, I learned perception is everything. Just because you say you didn't do it, doesn't mean people are going to believe you. I learned how to dress watching his videos. Thank heavens my mom couldn't afford any shiny suits because I would've looked crazy. To this day, I still rock Kangols and fedoras because he wore them. Big said getting more money also brings more problems. So I decided that I wanted to live comfortably, instead of extravagantly. Basically, he taught me everything my absentee father was supposed to, but he did it with style and rhymes. Not lectures and punishments like my friends' parents did. So when I say Biggie. Is my favorite rapper, that's why. Because he was so much more than music. So much more than just the King of New York. He was the best man he knew how to be and that's all I want to be. And thirteen years after his passing, he's still teaching us some things.

"God rest his soul. Rest in peace, kid." -Canibus