A Survivor's Guide To Rap Music

I don't know about you, but rap has become so stagnant to me. Everybody does the same thing and it's become so formulaic. With that being said, I've decided to give advice to the aspiring rappers. This their rapper survival pack.

A Background In Selling Drugs
It seems as though most rappers have sold drugs to pay rent at some point in their lives. Some of the biggest names in music have sold everything from weed to coke. Some were Meth pushers. So if you want to be famous, you must sell drugs. Forget about how illegal it is. You must withstand the 3 to 5 years per ounce or pill with your head held high and your colon clenched. Hey, if you want to be the next Jay-Z, Jeezy, or Game, this shouldn't be anything you can't handle.

A Penchant For Rapping About Said Drug Pushing Years
Young Jeezy has made three great albums all based on one topic. His years selling drugs. Even when he's featured on someone else's track, he finds a slick way to throw in a coke reference. So to you aspiring rappers I say, go ahead. Rap your heart out about your years of selling crack rock. Never mind the fact you only sold drugs for two weeks and had to stop because your mom found your stash. I suggest you rhyme about those glorious fourteen days with all the passion and fervor you can muster. I mean really, us listeners will never get sick of it. We absolutely love hearing about your days of narcotic fueled paranoia. So do the damn thing.

Must Call Women Out Of Their Names
It doesn't matter if you were raised by a single mother and have three older sisters. If you want to be a successful MC, "bitch", "hoe", "trick", and a host of other names. It's the only way to survive in this rapper eat rapper industry. If you need a point of reference, we can glance in Nelly's direction. On his debut album, he had a song dedicated to his mother. He, also, has a sister and a teenage daughter, yet he had singles and videos like "Tipdrill". In the song, he calls women everything but a child of God. In the clip for the song, he slides a credit card between a woman's butt cheeks. He's successful in the rap game, so you can be too. All you have to do is forget about all the things your mom and sisters had to face when it came to the men in their lives. Forget how hurt they were. Your royalty checks will dry their eyes.

Have No Need For Dignity Or Self Respect
If you want to be a famous rapper, this is the most important thing you must do. Go against every moral you have and sell your soul. That's how you get fame.