Hey friends. I know I've been missing in action for a bit, but a lot has been happening. Don't worry, I'm still grinding as a writer. But today, I don't want to talk about music. As most of you know, writing doesn't have me rolling in dough. So to support myself, I work at Five Guys resturant. And when I tell you I've gotten some of the dumbest questions ever, I'm not joking. Today, I'm going to share the top five dumbest. Please believe all questions are true. It will be hard to believe, but they are true.
5. What's the difference between a double and a single patty?
Excuse me. You mean to tell me as a grown adult, you can't figure out the difference? This is not rocket science, people. You are ordering a freaking burger. Do you want one piece of meat or two pieces of meat. Don't they teach that somewhere before first grade? I thought so.
4. So all the toppoings are free? If I get all of them, will I have to pay extra?
Questions like this make me want to cuss people out. If you are looking at the menu and it states that all toppings are free, why would you ask me that? Clearly, ALL THE DAMN TOPPINGS ARE FREE!!!!! You can get, both, ketchup and mustard for free. If you want to add relish, that's free too. They say reading is fundamental, but comprehension is key.
3. Oh, you don't serve pizza?
Now, this may seem really dumb being that "burgers and fries" is in the name. It kind of isn't because the location of my job was once a pizza shop. The reason why this is on the list is because our doors are clear glass. The name of the establishment is painted on top of said clear glass. So my question is if there is glass and then words painted on it, how can you just bypass that? I mean, it is right in your face. You have to look at it to open the damn door!
2. Do you have bones in your bacon?
Take a moment to digest what you just read. Yes, it was an actual question. Umm sir, I don't know what kind of bacon you're used to eating, but in my 22 years of living on this earth, I've never heard of bones being in bacon. That could quite possibly be the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. Well, I thought that was the dumbest, until I was asked the next question...
1. Do you have any toothpaste?
Once again, an actual question. Uh, yes we have toothpaste. We keep it right next to the tooth brushes and baby wipes in aisle six. Where do these people come up with mess like this? You walk into a burger joint and ask for tooth paste?!?!?!?!?! We don't even have tooth picks, let alone tooth paste. When she asked me that, all I could say was, "Get out." I felt if she was dumb enough to ask me that, there was no telling where that conversation was going to go.
and there you have it. I will post more dumb Five Guys questions as they roll in.
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